Arcata Police Log: ’Scuse me, while I punch the sky

• Saturday, January 13 8:42 p.m. A man at the centroid for rude rumbustiousness – the bench at Ninth and H streets – chose from a well-established menu of jiggery-pokery the actions he might inflict on Arcata’s long-suffering innocent passersby. Some sort of primitive effort-reward calculation drove him to that most low-effort/high-impact of tactics – yelling. Police couldn’t find him among the herds of howlers prowling about there.

• Sunday, January 14 1:51 a.m. A tawdry melee at Ninth and H involved five brutes brawling in the street, one of whom waved a cane or stick by way of planetary betterment. Someone was arrested for public drunkenness.

6:29 a.m. Where once their marriage was embroidered with tender kisses, warmth and whimsy, it was now marked by him kicking at her trailer front door while barking out threats.

10:27 a.m. A man brought to the hospital ER declined physician attention, choosing instead a unique form of self-treatment – lingering near doctors’ offices and trying doors.

12:03 p.m. A motorhome parked in Todd Court for several weeks was left bleeding sewage with its door hanging open, its sole occupant a sharps container full of needles.

12:19 p.m. A man set his wallet on the roof of his car during a fill-up at a J Street gas station for a sec, then forgot about it and drove away.

• Monday, January 15 8:53 a.m. A man parked on the Plaza beheld the hostile antics of a woman in a gray tank top who yelled at him through his window, struck the window and his mirror, then sat on the truck and told him he couldn’t leave. She then proceeded to the middle of the Plaza for a bout of yelling.

9:02 a.m. A woman in a gray tank top grabbed a bottle of alcohol from an I Street store and scampered away.

• Tuesday, January 16 12:51 a.m. Multiple practitioners of the yelling arts – at least one of them arrestably drunk – howled about on 11th Street.

10:33 a.m. A two-burrito thief and his backpack are no longer welcome at a 13th Street store.

11:38 a.m. A man with unknown issues chose different forms of retribution for the entirely blameless people and objects – including Earth’s long-suffering atmosphere – which he encountered near 14th and F streets. The innocent passersby were lashed with shouted profanities, while street signs and the very air itself sustained merciless punches from his mighty fists.

12:20 p.m. As two sweatshirt-wearing men in the 14th Street Redwood Park lot know, nature is best appreciated by flinging knives at a tree.

12:27 p.m. The wafting aromas of fabric softener, the whirring of washers and dryers and the warmth they imparted all added up to ideal napping conditions for a non-customer at a G Street laundromat. He didn’t respond to attempts at a wake-up, but in a positive development, seemed to be breathing. Police warned him away.

1:05 p.m. A woman at Seventh and I streets offered a value-added yelling demonstration, augmenting her passerby-revilings with rearrangement of the multiple markers at the PG&E road sign museum there.

4:58 p.m. A Third Street resident complained of an invading rooster, which both crows loudly and brazenly climbs up her tree.

• Wednesday, January 17 10:26 a.m. A yellingman on F Street wore a camouflage hat, so his burly bleats appeared to be emanating from a writhing face-hole with no scalp mounted atop a faded blue sweatshirt.

1:44 p.m. A barefoot man entered a Valley West burgery and initiated an argument with the wage-slaves there, refusing to leave. He then moderated his intransigent stance somewhat, go away as requested but only in the company of a stolen chocolate cake.

2:46 p.m. A malcontent, one unfortunately equipped with a mouth and lungs found something in Stewart Park that provoked a stream of yelled profanity.

4:03 p.m. A man bedazzled passersby near a downtown hardware store with his red beard, blue blanket and halitosis-borne screams.

7:12 p.m. A Q Street resident asked for help removing a gull trapped on his garage.

9:51 p.m. A man positioned at the entrance to a Uniontown store had a bifurcated mission, the two central pillars of which were nonetheless complimentary – verbal aggression against patrons and the mandatory yelled obscenities.

• Thursday, January 18 12:15 a.m. An ambulance was summoned to 11th and H streets for a person with swollen legs.

12:33 p.m. A man attempting to assist an injured bird on the Humboldt Bay Trail North at the Arcata Marsh & Wildlife Sanctuary had to deal with the inevitable unleashed dog with herding propensities, this one in the company of two women. The bird ally was afraid that the dog would meddle in his avian rescue efforts.







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