• Sunday, June 11 3:03 a.m. A woman on the Sunset Avenue bridge over U.S. Highway 101 wept and threatened a person who called police.
4:14 a.m. A woman on the eastern lobe of the Giuntoli Lane teardrop roundabout screamed and cried.
5:34 a.m. Not far away, a woman rudely cursed at the staff of a Heindon Road 24-hour diner, then escalated tensions to an even higher level by stealing some fruit. A kindly cab driver paid the fruit bill, but the eatery still wants nothing more to do with the woman.
4:24 a.m. The reason why anyone who isn’t being paid to do so, or shopping, would spend an entire hour wandering around inside a Fourth Street market is something that to this day eludes science. He was moved along, though not far.
4:44 a.m. The store wanderer lingered out front, harassing customers while wearing what looked like a hat stolen from the shop. This time he was arrested.
• Monday, June 12 1 a.m. A man and woman riding bicycles with flashing lights outside a Uniontown supermarket might not be the optimal candidates to repopulate Earth after the apocalypse. That is, unless future civilizations base their economies on watermelon theft, something each of these wheeled specimens accomplished.
2:11 a.m. An alleged man snabbed up a 12-pack of beer and a bottle of whiskey at the same store, then hopped in a taxi. Someone called the cab company asking where the shoplifter had been taken.
3:41 a.m. Out at a low-expectations Valley West motel, a retirement-age gentleman with meth mouth and a jaunty beanie yelled at some lady near the machines selling stale corn nuts and chem-treats.
11:10 a.m. At the marsh, a man on a bike chatted on his cell phone about robbing vehicles as he went from car to car, peering in the passenger-side windows.
2:53 p.m. A vision in gray – that hue informing everything from the man’s sweatshirt and pants to his beard – was reported behind a Plaza shop “digging through trash cans and yelling at nothing.”
3:09 p.m. The Sunny Brae Tract may be on the way to getting crapped up by campers, just like the “oldtown” Arcata Community Forest. A man was “seen bringing large amounts of property into the forest” from the Margaret Lane entrance. He and it weren’t found, although the stuff he hauled in will no doubt be the focus of a future forest volunteer workday.
10:18 p.m. A resident of Westwood Village, where the homes are “nicely arranged for living,” heard his yard alarm go off, then went out to investigate. There, he found a not-so-nice arrangement of his a neighbor’s truck shining its headlights on his dog, and himself. To counter the blinding beam, the quick-thinking resident created a distraction by blurting a profane name at the neighbor, who then yelled back. In a sudden twist, the photon victim went back inside his nicely arranged home, freeing himself of the death ray’s force. There, he concluded that the neighbors were “messing with him.”
• Tuesday, June 13 10:19 a.m. What used to be a window was all that stood between a slithy tove and a wallet blithely left in a Grant Avenue car’s center console. And what a wallet it was, turgid with ID, credit cards, medical insurance card and $30 cash.
3:15 p.m. A house on Antoine Avenue looked to someone like a grow house of olde, boasting many of the same endearing features. These include heavy traffic coming and going, a large generator and the usual staff of arrogant fribbles and lubberworts who blast their stereo day and night. When neighbors complain, the problem house personnel see the police coming and turn the music down – but only until the cop car goes away. At that, they turn the tunes back up and resume a busy regimen of eyebrow arching, mustache twisting and mouth breathing.
5:20 p.m. A man and woman were reported stealing from a Sunny Brae thrift store, and the woman was still there. With video to back up the shoplifting charge, the alleged she-thief was arrested.
11:47 p.m. A shoplifter at the nightly nest of thieves known as a Uniontown supermarket broke with alcohol-laced tradition and instead made off with shampoo and an assortment of personal care items. These were placed in her purse, after which she got in a car and left.
• Wednesday, June 14 7:33 a.m. A car window smash at 15th and I streets seemed just to be for the triumph of it, as nothing inside was stolen.
7:36 a.m. Two vehicles in a 10th Street tow yard got window-smashed, but it wasn’t clear if they were also burgled.
8:33 a.m. Someone on 11th Street reported someone punching him in the face and then brandishing a machete at him.
9:27 a.m. A vehicle on Fourth Street was relieved of the chainsaw, climbing gear and other items.
11:04 a.m. Someone setting up a camp in the Sunny Brae Tract was interviewed by police.
11:36 a.m. Once a burglar got hold of a garage door opener from inside a Hilfiker Drive car, it was easy to open up the garage and steal two bikes.
2:24 p.m. A thief grabbed a woman’s sweater from below her table at a downtown restaurant. The phone fell out of the sweater’s pocket outside as he fled, but he did make off with her keys.
8:37 p.m. Once a refuge from the pervasive loopiness of mother ship Arcata, Sunny Brae on this night boasted a woman wandering in and out of traffic on Chester Avenue, yelling and waving a paper bag at passersby.
• Thursday, June 15 12:15 a.m. Two men argued in loud and spirited fashion at a Union Street apartment complex, accompanied by sounds of something being hit. “If you don’t give me my money, I will shoot you,” quipped one of the disputants.
2:39 p.m. A man of abbreviated stature wandered the area of Buttermilk Lane and Bayside Road, carrying a blanket, bellowing obscenities and picking fights with random people walking by.
3:28 p.m. A vehicle owner on Valley West Boulevard interrupted someone who was in the process of stealing the battery out of his car. The thief dropped it when confronted, splashing battery acid on the victim.
3:43 p.m. A 12th Street resident called from her closet. Though all of her roommates were out of town, she heard a door open. She then saw lights underneath the closet door.